I had a few people email to see how I am doing. I'm okay really... I guess I'm just finding it difficult to put much of anything into words. Well, really transparent words...and so I'm just saving those in an actual journal that I have for myself.
Am I disappointed? Yes, I can't help but say that I am. We (and our agency thought we would have travel dates by now). Shoot, we thought we'd be traveling too. But unfortunately we have to wait a little longer. I'm an okay waiter... it's the roller coaster ride I can do without. I hate getting my hopes up and then being disappointed. I'd rather not have gotten my hopes up in the first place...but that's almost an impossibility.
We have not received news this week as well, and I'm still okay. Last week I was definitely not in a good place, and I was very sad. This week my expectations were lower and I am able to deal with the news better. I guess that is how it goes sometimes with international adoption... or maybe that's just how I deal with it. :-)
I am grateful for several people who just encouraged me this week. My sister just letting me know she's been thinking about me and wondering how I am feeling with the news of "no news". That just touched my heart. She's my only sister, and she's had to listen, stand by and watch over the two years we have been on this journey, through all of the ups and downs. I know she's shared my feelings of excitement, frustration and sadness. I'm so grateful that she is so supportive of our hopes and dreams.....
I also had a great conversation with my good friend in Maryland on Tuesday evening. It was one of those transparent conversations where we could voice our concerns and fears to one another, and know that they are completely normal. No judgement at all.... just affirmation and understanding. I needed that 2 hour conversation to catch up, share and just l-a-u-g-h! (Ummm yes we sure can talk...) :-)
So many people have shared that they are praying for us. Thank you so much! In my heart I know that God in in control and that He is not surprised by these delays. I know that... and when I seem to forget, my oldest son will remind me, that "God is in control and that he wants what is best for our family". My friend has this scripture up on her facebook page, and it is one of my favorite verses... another that I will add to my sidebar as I journey on this walk of faith.
Proverbs 16:9 "A man’s heart plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps."
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
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3 comments:
Keep hanging in there Jackie and thank you for sharing your feelings openly on your blog with this post. The wait is so hard because it is such a huge event. We'll keep praying that things will start moving soon.
So glad you are hanging in there. The rollercoaster ride can get the best of you sometimes and it's okay to sulk and be down and out. We're here cheering you on, my dear!
So sorry to hear that you didn't receive any news this week. I can only imagine how hard you wait has been. How strong and faithful you have been. You are right to believe that God knows the exact time you will travel to meet your children. And, I promise on this side of your adoption God will open windows and give you peeks at just how perfect his plan has been from the beginning. Many prayers coming your way.
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