Victory!!!

Today after lunch I took everyone up to a town north of us by about 25 minutes to apply for ds3's Social Security card. It's a smaller town than ours, but sometimes smaller can be better. Unfortunately it was ds3's naptime, and he was getting fussy. I knew he was tired, and so I wouldn't let him walk around as it was pretty crowded and a small waiting area. But I held him and rocked him over my shoulder singing our bedtime song in his ear. I think it calms him down, because he relaxed and just was content to hang out for the most part. After about 20 minutes they called my number.

The lady behind our window loved our little man! She oohed and awed over him and brought a co-worker over to see him. Ds3 was very obliging by actually smiling and waving at them. I handed over all the documents I had with his application, and they began to input it all. I was prepared with a printout of the required documents listed on the SS website, but it wasn't necessary. She printed out a form had me check all the documentation she input and sign and date it.

Victory! We should have his number in 10 days or so! I thanked her profusely and mentioned my troubles at our local branch office. She could not believe that they had no clue about the Certificate of Citizenship. She told me, "It's one of the options to choose on the first screen!"

I am so glad we drove the distance to get this done, and that I didn't have to fight to make it happen. (Though I was prepared to....) It was definitely worth the trip!

So frustrated with Social Security!

I'm going to have a mini-vent here! I am so frustrated with my local SS office. We received ds3's Certificate of Citizenship in the mail and I promptly took it down to our social security office to apply for his number. They looked at the forms, asked me if he was adopted, and after some conferring in the back of the office....said they needed to see the adoption decree and birth certificate. It was closing time that day, and while I was surprised to need to show them that information, I told them I would be back with the additional documents.

Today we went back there. We waited 45 minutes, but it was okay.. I brought ds3 his lunch. When I finally get to the counter and hand her all the forms, she looks like what I have given her is Russian or something. (Okay, it is in Russian, with the translation behind it).... all given to me by the US Embassy mind you. She leaves her window for awhile to confer with someone after I try to tell her that this is what the US Embassy gave me. Then she comes back with I am assuming her supervisor and they are looking at the Certificate of Citizenship as if they have never seen one before. They try to tell me that what they usually see is the Certificate of Naturalization and that I need to bring his passport in as well. What??? Come on people! I was just here two days ago, did you not think to tell me that then? It's not like my three boys and I like coming and waiting for an hour or so each time at your office!

I explained to them that this form *should* be all they need. They kept trying to understand if I was given it at immigration when we entered the States. I explained again how USCIS takes all our information upon entering the States and mails the Certificate of Citizenship. I also told them that because he is legally adopted by us, as soon as his feet touch American soil he is a US Citizen. They told me "No that's not true... "

Unh- unh!! No ma'am I do believe you are incorrect!! Interview over, there was nothing they could do.... I have to bring back his passport, which is on it's way to the Russian consulate so he can be registered, according to the Russian law. It won't be back for about a month. UGH! (Picture my head hitting a wall a few times).

So, any of you Russian AP's out there... what did you need to get a Social Security card? I am very curious.... (and still very frustrated!)

Dinner and Music

Oh how I wish I had a video of tonight's dinner to share on this blog! Ds3 was being picky about what he wanted to eat... which has become the norm lately. Gone are the early days when he would eat just about everything we gave him. In Russia his specialty were eggs, and he continued to like them even upon his arrival here in the States. But all of a sudden it's as if a scrambled egg has become liverwurst or beets or something. I sit there surprised each time my son turns his head away and his little nose up at my attempts to get him to eat eggs. His favorite Gerber graduate is also a thing of the past. Hmmm....

So after he ate just a few bites of his former favorite pasta Gerber graduate food, I decided to break out the mashed chicken. Gosh, all I could think was "kid, this stuff is SO not better than that Gerber graduate." But he just smacked his lips together and nodded his head in anticipation. He ate the first bite and said "Yum yum!" lol! I can't imagine how it could be anything tasting yum-yum.... but hey, I'm not 2 yrs old!

Anyway, I had on some Frank Sinatra as dining music. The older boys had finished eating already and left the table, and Chris was working late. The song "Luck Be a Lady" came on from the musical Guys and Dolls. It's a jazzy sort of song, and I was being goofy as usual, dancing around and singing as I fed him. Well my little man must like jazz because he started snapping his fingers! I kid you not! The child was snapping his right hand fingers and dancing in his high chair! I SO badly wished someone was there to be video taping it! We need a new tape in the camcorder, and even if I tried to break it out the moment would have been lost, I just know it.

When Chris is home tomorrow evening, we are going to start video taping this little guy! These early childhood moments are fleeting!

Frank Sinatra's got nothing on these baby blues!

The Blessing of Friendship....

How to describe a close friend.... You know the ones.... the kind who pretty much know you. They have seen you at your best, and worst. They are there to listen to you vent, to lean on when you need support, and to comfort as you cry a torrent of tears. They've shared laughter with you, and rejoiced with you. Those are all traits of a good friend, and yet God has blessed me with a few friends that go beyond that description. Yes, they have listened, encouraged laughed and rejoiced..... but they have also prayed with me. Ever have a friend like that? One who will pray with you over the phone, or meet with you for prayer over a kitchen table?

I can count these types of friends on one hand. God brought each one at a different time in my life. They are each spread all around the country... and one international as well. I am blessed beyond measure by them, even though they all live so far away from me. Here are some things about our friendships that are so dear to me:

1.We are transparent with one another. We don't have to hide behind a mask of perfection, because we are not perfect! We can be "real" and transparent, and share areas we are struggling without judgement or condemnation. We have built a trust in our relationship to share safely with one another. My friends "know" me, and love me anyway.. LOL!

2. We have given each other permission to speak truth into each other's lives. What do I mean by that? Well, have you ever had a close friend and you know an area she is struggling, but she might not be able to see it. We lovingly share God's truth with each other that may shine a light on that area of struggle. It's what we've given each other permission to do. Sometimes it's hard to hear, and sometimes it's encouraging because it's just what we needed to hear. But it's always centered and focused on God's truth. Not in an effort to convict, (you know that's the Holy Spirit's job), but in a loving sisterly way. I remember once one of my girlfriends spoke truth to me in an area of my life in which I was pushing my husband and not standing back and praying for him. I was not letting God move the man. I was on the brink of tears after she pointed it out, not because I didn't want to hear it, but because I was cut to the quick convicted by it. I was so saddened by my actions and I asked for her to pray for me, because it was an area I definitely needed to give over to the Lord. Without her willingness (and courage) to point it out, I might never have seen it.

3. We have prayed together. My closest friends are the ones in which our relationships have been centered on Christ. The transparency with which we share our lives.... leads us to pray fervently for one another. I can't tell you how precious are those times when I have prayed in my kitchen or over the phone with a dear friend. Transparency...authenticity....about life struggles....... and through prayer we place them at the foot of the cross.

These friendships have lasted even though our proximity to one another has changed. Why? Well one, I believe they have been grounded in God's word. Those times of prayer and fellowship have laid a foundation for our friendships. But I also believe it's because we continue to make the effort to stay connected. It's hard because it's over the phone maybe once a month or so. We need a good 2 hours to really catch up... not just the superficial stuff, but the deep stuff. The stuff that really matters in life. The "real" stuff. :-)

Do I miss my times of in person fellowship with them? Absolutely!! I often wonder and cry out to God about why we are so far apart....... I miss our times of one on one regular fellowship and prayer the most.

I'm so thankful that God has given me each of these ladies, and that despite the geographical distance, we continue to share transparently, speak truth to one another lovingly, and pray for one another frequently.

Some additional thoughts....transition and parenting.

As I re-read my post on transition, I wanted to make a few clarifications.

One thing I said is, "I'm finding parenting this child difficult." Let me clarify, that it isn't that I didn't find parenting the other two difficult, trust me it was! Our second son was so strong willed! It was tough to teach him to yield to authority, yet keep instilled in him that natural leadership quality he has been given. Plus both children are so close in age it was very difficult with two toddlers! But in this instance the difficulty comes in not having been the one to raise him for the past two years. The behavior issues are unknown to me. Plus I am always trying to discern the difference between institutionalized behavior and typical 2 year old behavior. It's quite difficult to tell between the two!

Having said that, this child just brings with him different parenting complexities, and I am having to adapt with some new methods of parenting. Quite okay, it's just a learning curve for me. But I'll get there.

Another thing I mentioned was the cradle position that my son has never experienced. There have been quite a few women who have adopted internationally at my church. I was sharing with one in particular about cradling our son. Her son, who she also brought home at 2 years old, would fight that position as well, even in his sleep. She said that position is a very vulnerable position. Such a better word than my trusting! Yes, it's trusting, but vulnerable sums it up better. This little guy has had to be self sufficient for so long, that it's hard to let himself be vulnerable. And it comes with time... lots of time, to build that trust! So, each day we are working on building up that trust up.

I'm reading a book now called I Love You Rituals, and it's given me a few ideas to think about with ds3, and actually is helpful with the other boys as well. One thing she talks about is that our children need to be noticed. How often does our child do something that they want to share in their fantastic world, and we distractedly say, "Mmmhmmm, that's nice." or "Great job". I'm going to share an excerpt from her book that talks about a coaching situation, and how it correlates to parenting.

Imagine you are playing softball, and it's your turn at bat. The ball is pitched;you swing and hit a home run. Coach A says to you, "Great hit." Coach B says to you enthusiastically, "Wow you kept your eye on the ball and really shifted your weight on that follow-through. You smacked it way over the fence." Which coach helped you become more aware of yourself and your success, as well as how to repeat it? Noticing helps children become more aware of themselves. This awareness wires the brain for self-control. This feedback is brain food. In contrast judging helps children become aware of our view of the world, not theirs.

I am really trying to model this with ds3. For 2 years he has not had many people "notice him." He hasn't had that type of brain food as the author calls it. Nor has it been repeated over and over, day in and day out, for 780 days. I want to slowly change that... I want to build up his fragile self-esteem. I'm also thinking of my older boys. How many times have I distractedly mumbled something to them while 1/2 looking at a Lego creation? I want to practice this type of feedback with them too. Because really who wouldn't like to have this type of interested commentary. I think Chris and I should work on practicing it in our marriage too! Nothing says I love you, than a spouse who is interested enough to listen and encourage you.

I Thessalonians 5:11 says, "Encourage one another and build each other up." This used to be modeled consistently in our household, but somehow we've let it slip. I was talking to Chris the other night and we want to make this one of our life/family verses. We are seriously going to be putting it on the wall in the living room where we spend a lot of our time. It will serve as a visual reminder when our mouths don't always follow suit.

And just one encouraging word to leave you with: Ds3 fell asleep in my arms tonight in the cradle position, while I was rocking him in the rocking chair. What a blessing! I just kept on rockin' and praying for this child that God has given to me. :-)

The trials and joys of transition....

I have to share that my friend Christina's husband has coined a term in our corner of blogland and I really really like it. He calls it Stepford Blogging. Where like the movie Stepford Wives, a blogger posts only about their perfect little world.... perfect family, perfect kids, perfect job... etc etc. Where everything is going well all the time. The flowers are blooming, the sun is shining, and Mr. Bluebird is singing on my shoulder...

I don't like blogs like that. I recently shared with a girlfriend that I was getting ready to post a "real" post about our adoption transition. What I meant by that was keeping it "real", or authentic. Yes, many days we have snapshots of great fun and adorable cuteness and yes even J-O-Y! Lots of joy in the midst of everything. But I would be remiss in not sharing that this transition has been much more difficult than I anticipated, and that I am still trying to find my feet through it all. Some days it's all I have to post, "Had a tough day today" on my facebook account, or "Had a good day with ds3 today". Yes, short and sweet... but it's been all I have people!

I am not a first time parent, and while I can claim some experience with two boys, in no way do I have it all figured out. I'm finding parenting this child difficult. All that to say we've had good days and bad days. My adoption coordinator who also adopted two children from Russia, suggested that I keep a journal each day. That way I can look back two, four, and six months from now and see that the good days have begun to far outnumber the bad. I liked that idea, so tonight I went and got a journal. I'm looking forward to writing some of my own feelings, as well as some of the things I am experiencing with our little man.

The bad days have been yucky. I'm very aware of the fact that this little guy brings with him a whole slew of learned behaviors from the orphanage. His meltdowns include hitting and spitting. Not fun for this mommy, and quite frankly it stunned me the first time it happened. Naturally the caregivers did not have the time or resources to deal with this behavior. But I do. And we deal with it everytime it happens. No exceptions. Being consistent is hard, and time consuming and many times it just plain old stinks!

We have been having "time in" on mommy's lap a LOT. We always end with signing "I'm sorry" and a big deep breath for both of us, and hugs and kisses and "I love you". I know he comes with a wounded heart from abandonment and a great deal of fear and trepidation from being uprooted out of the only place he has known. My sister who has worked with emotionally hurting children shared that a lot of times he is just processing his anger, and his fear. Sometimes it's just in response to someone coming into his pretend world. Sometimes it's just defiant he doesn't want to listen to mama or he doesn't get his way, and sometimes lately I've noticed it's right after we have had a period of one on one bonding time. It's almost as if he pushes away out of fear or something. Those days are difficult there is no question about it.....


The positive days are intertwined with the rest. I think the difficult days takes more out of me.... but the journal will help me recollect the positive strides too. There are several areas where he is showing good signs of attachment and bonding. He still does not like to go to anyone but Chris, me and the boys. If someone tries to talk to him he will turn to me to be picked up and turn his head into my chest. I need to just let him be, because it's a good sign of attachment. One of my biggest joys is watching him run to Chris or myself or one of the boys. He has both arms out, running to get and give a hug. It is very sweet to see it. :-) But he doesn't like anyone else to be near him... or hold him....

This week we had to get some Xrays done at our pediatric hospital. The technician had to actually hold him. She said to me, "Mom I just need you to put him in my lap." Oh my goodness, I was thinking... "Yeah right!!" He screamed his sweet little head off.. and sobbed and sobbed. Then for another Xray he had to be held by two techs in front of a machine. We thought we were finished, but they didn't get the film they needed so we had to go back in again! Afterward when they truly were finished, I said to him "All done" and he clung to me as he repeated "All done", through huge gulps and sniffles.

One area where I have seen progress in attachment is this: Ds3 has never been rocked or cradled before in his life. I'm sure they did not at the hospital when he was born, and I'm quite sure they did not have the man power or time to rock and cradle him at the orphanage. Ds3 would flip out everytime I tried hold him in a cradle position. He had to be sitting up looking over my shoulder.... no eye contact. I was talking to a friend at church, and we agreed that the cradled position is a very scary position, because it's on your back looking into someone's face. It's a trusting position. Who can he really trust? Well, hopefully he is learning that he can trust his mama and papa.

So, I've been working on laying him back in a cradle position in my arms. He would tense and sit up for weeks and not allow it. Finally this past weekend at night after our story time, he would let me lay him back and rock him in the rocking chair as I sang to him. Tonight he hugged me after story time and then flipped right over to lay his head in the crook of my arm all by himself! That was huge! I typically spend 15-20 minutes just singing and rocking him each night. Yes, he still self soothes by sucking his finger, but sometimes he doesn't. He's still awake when I put him in his crib, and he just started saying "Mama" ever so quietly as I lay him down at night. I don't know if it's for me, or if it's the little lamb he wants with our pictures on it. I always give him the lamb and he hugs it tight. That rocking chair time at night also helps me to bond to him. Rocking and cradling him is such a sweet time we share together.

So there you go... a little of what we are dealing with going through this transition. Many times I wish we were already through it... I wish that it wasn't so daggone hard or time consuming. But then I wouldn't be learning what God intends for me to learn... which is for another post... (soon I hope).

The blessing of a meal... meatloaf and corn casserole

My friend Stephanie wrote me an encouraging note, as I shared about having another tough day with ds3. She also said she wanted to bring us dinner the following night. This dear sister in the Lord has 3 young children and a husband who broke his arm. And yet, she wanted to bring me a meal to help our family out. What a blessing she was to me!

So, Saturday evening she and her husband and kids come to my house with meatloaf, mashed potatoes, corn casserole, salad and yummy dessert. First I have to say Chris absolutely LOVES meatloaf, and I never make it. I'm not sure why, it's actually easier than making my Italian meatballs. So, he was thrilled and he loved everything we had, but especially the meatloaf!

Stephanie was thinking about what ds3 might like to eat. She thought the corn casserole might be good, because her littlest guy likes to eat that. I had no idea what ds3 would do, as you never know what a toddler is going to decide to eat. Well let me tell you, he LOVED the corn casserole! As in two fists trying to get it in his mouth. LOL!

Here are a few photos just for you Stephanie, of how much he enjoyed this yummy dish! (I don't have photos of Chris eating the meatloaf, though... but that's okay, he didn't look nearly as cute!) LOL!

Good teeth....

My two older boys went to the dentist this week. Both came out with a good report, no cavities at all! Yay! As we were driving home I told the boys how blessed they are to have such a good report. I also shared how glad I am that they take good care of their teeth, and that they don't need cavities filled. I said, "Trust me Mommy knows all about cavities and fillings". So naturally they asked if I had a lot of cavities as a kid. I told them, "Yes, my mouth has tons of fillings to prove it too."

My ds2 mulls all this information over. I never know where his little brain is going to go... After a few minutes he says this:

Ds2: "Mom I have a serious question for you."

Me: "Mmmm hmmm"

Ds2: "Did they have toothbrushes when you were a kid, or did you have to use some kind of rag?"

LOL! Evidently my son thinks I was a kid during the 1770's and not the 1970's! (We gotta work on that!)

Picture Post....

This is what I found on the camera after I went to Mom's Night Out....
"Hey anyone out there?"

Ds3 Enjoying his organic YoBaby Yogurt. Yum!

Pasta Anyone??

This little guy needs his nap! But not without his papa and mama.... His little lamb was on the floor and he put his arms out for it and laid down and gave it a big squeeze when I tucked him in for the afternoon. That and saying "Mama" tons and tons of times today just blessed my heart!

At the mall......

He wanted to be like the big boys and help Mama carry in the groceries. He's learning so fast!

First Doctor's Visit

We had our first doctor's visit today... and it went very well! Chris was there for the beginning, but they were behind schedule, so he had to leave to head to a meeting. Our pediatrician adopted 4 children all at once from Russia, and he was sooo sensitive to our little man. Just having me hold him while he talked to me across the room about his history. Dr. M, was so respectful of distance giving him time to get used to him in the room. He set ds3 so at ease from the beginning in a non threatening way that when it came time for the exam, it was done without a tear. (Wisely Dr. M. left before the shot/bloodwork duo came in, so ds3 wouldn't associate him with the dreaded things!) lol!

Ds3 had to get 2 shots and a TB skin test, plus three vials of blood taken. Oh he cried so much, but he didn't squirm a whole lot like my other two did when they were young. I think I handled it pretty well too! My two older boys were 16 months apart, and sometimes had to get shots at the same time. Let me tell you this is a piece of cake compared to that! The guy who came into draw the blood was so happy to see a good vein. He and the nurse almost did a happy dance. (Well maybe not a happy dance, but they were pleased as punch, that's for sure.) It was a pretty darn easy stick and a quick withdrawal. Hopefully all the results will come back good and he won't have to get anymore shots. I am so proud of our little man.

The only thing we are going to go in for is an Xray of his chest for rickets. He has some rib cage malformation, and since we really don't have a medical history on him, we'll go in and have an xray to see what is going on. He looks good and not undernourished. The Dr is happy with what we are feeding him, and with the vitamin D and general vitamins he is getting daily. I mentioned his hair and nails are growing, so that is also a good thing.

The two main areas of my concern were height/weight and speech. Very surprisingly, (and I seriously mean VERY).... he is at 5th percentile for both height and weight. We weighed and measured this kid at home and he barely snuck on the chart in weight. I am shocked he is on in height. I kind of wonder if the nurse measured him correctly at height (lying down).... but I guess they stretch their legs out and then get the head. She marked the sheet with a pen... so I guess she got it. I'm happy he's actually on the charts. Just barely...but on!

Speech-wise, the Dr. was happy that he was babbling and he said a few words in the room... like More (and signed it). He said with the limited interaction in the orphanage he isn't surprised that he isn't talking. But he liked the babble and singing and use of consonants. Plus that we are all home with him all the time interacting with him. Someone is always talking to this little guy. So, he's going to give it 6 months and see how he is doing then. (Both speech-wise and overall). We have a week to wait for the rest of the blood work and titers, and if it looks good then we'll see him in 6 months. (Depending on the xray).

Overall it was such a good visit. So to say I'm happy about it would be correct. Now I know I need to get some new photos on here.. and I need to get busy actually taking photos! I need room on my camera, the memory needs to be saved to a disk! Here are a few from the Doctor's office and the one right after. Cutie pie was all happy in the car, (I guess to be leaving!) He smiles like that a lot, but getting him to do that for the camera is next to impossible!

Random Thoughts

Just have a few minutes to say, that I am sooo not ready for our regular routine yet. We have started basketball and since the boys are on the same team it is way easier! That is the one thing that is pretty darn easy.

But adding in all our regular activities and the practice for those at home... well I'm just not ready. It's the persistent "reminding" (not nagging, oh no Mom's don't nag do they?) "Reminding" to practice piano, do there Spanish, practice recorder and make sure they have done AWANA. This on top of our regular schooling. While I love these activities for the boys, I sometimes wish they were fewer. Especially now that I have a little one to tend to, and some of these activities fall right in the middle of nap time. Bleck!!

Blog Award: Lemonade

I was given this blog award by my friend Jeannie and then by my friend Kris. Kris posted on her blog what the text says concerning this particular award:

This award is meant for people who are positive, show gratitude, and of course: make lemons out of lemonade!

The rules for this award are that you post the graphic for it, write a post that links back to the giver, and then pass it on to up to ten others.

Leave a comment on the blogs that get the award, so they know what's happened.

I am touched that they nominated me for such a positive award. I can't say I feel like I deserve it, as I totally know how much I can complain. lol! (Just ask my husband). But I do try to be positive, and laugh daily!

So, I am supposed to link back to the people who nominated me, and then suggest 10 others who fit the description for the lemonade award. Since this award has made it's rounds to all my IRL friends...I have a few (especially in the adoption community) that also come to mind. Things are always changing in the adoption arena, and you have to constantly make lemonade out of lemons!!

So without further "blablahblah" by me here are my nominations in no particular order:

Carolynn at Finding Malibu. She and her husband are hoping to adopt a little girl from Russia. They recently had to re-do all their paperwork because they switched agencies. She has had a great attitude through it all, and has managed to keep her sense of humor and encourage the rest of us as well! I hope and pray that this year she brings home her own little one, and I plan to "walk with her", (okay post and encourage her) along the way!!

Mary at Russia 2008 is another adoptive parent. She and her husband also switched agencies. I am so excited for them as they were just invited to travel to meet their referral! Waiting as long as they did at the first adoption agency, I am thrilled that they are traveling so soon with the new one! I am doing the happy dance for her!!

Carrie- At It's a Small World. Carrie and her husband live just a few hours from us, though we have never met. I have followed their blog from almost the beginning. They waited an incredibly long time for their son. They adopted a little boy from Russia a little over a year ago. He is precious! What a beautiful family who loves the Lord!

Becky at Our Little Russian Peanut. Oh boy, does this girl make lemonade! Yes, she will totally complain about the pits too...but that is what I love about her! She is REAL! She writes her blog with a great deal of honesty and of course humor! She has been an encouragement to me through this process!

Stephanie at My life in a boy's world. She has such a heart for the Lord, and is so grateful for all He has given her. She writes with such sensitivity and I love to see her wonderful accompanying photography. Life has definitely handed this woman some lemons over the last few years, but she clings to God and his grace to live life to the fullest!

Adrienne at Our Journey of Love- This mom adopted Owen from Russia. She and her husband Jim are longing to add another child through adoption. They unfortunately just had a domestic adoption disruption, and the grace with which she handled it was very convicting to read. Despite not understanding the "Why's" of God's plans, she displayed how to love and forgive in the midst of great disappointment.

Barb at Holm Sweet Holm. This is a newer blog I am following. She and her husband just adopted a little girl from Russia. I appreciate her as well, because in the midst of this incredible transition, she looks to the positive. Her blog posts are real and caring and humorous, as she diligently and lovingly helps her new precious daughter adapt to their family. I love to read her updates both the ones that are tough and the ones that are encouraging!

Rachel at Journey with the Williams Family. She and her husband adopted a little boy from Russia. He has grown so much, and I love reading her posts and updates on him. She continues to be a real encouragement to me as I go through so many similar scenarios she has walked through when they first brought Daniel home. She has helped me (even very recently) to turn some of my lemony thoughts to lemonade. lol!

Kim at The Littlest Tsarina. This gal is one hard working woman! She has 4 boys whom she homeschool's, and they just adopted a little girl. (Who by the way is adorable!) Don't believe me? See for yourself, she is cute as a button! Kim has also been so helpful with emails of packing lists and great homeschooling ideas while in Russia. I really thought we might actually meet up while we were in Moscow, but we missed each other by a day!

Another tough day!

Boy, after just finishing posting last evening that things were going well...today we had such a tough day of meltdowns! Naptime was the usual time, though he probably could have gone down a half hour earlier. I truly hope he wakes up in a better frame of mind.

The boys and I are bummed, as I had to deal with many tantrums today, and we were supposed to go the Aquarium. I knew it just wasn't gonna happen! So, we'll have to try to go next week. Meanwhile it's quiet now... so we'll finish schooling with some tests and then maybe play a few quiet games. They sooo need some fun after our not so fun morning.

Places I've Been....

The following is a map of the places I have been in the US. I want to do the world next...though that would look even sadder. As you can see we have some states to visit! Especially the middle parts of the country!


visited 19 states (38%)
a href=Create'>http://douweosinga.com/projects/visited?region=usa">Create your own visited map of The United States or try another Douwe Osinga project

Updates....

What a boring title....but it's the best I could come up with. Truthfully, to be posting at all is amazing to me. Ours days are even busier with a toddler around the house. But somehow he manages to keep us better scheduled than before he arrived in our family. Maybe it's because his routine IS so scheduled, and so we work our schooling etc. etc. all around that. Or maybe it's because I do not have time to get on the computer during the day any longer, except perhaps at nap time. So, we are accomplishing much more throughout our day... whatever it is... it's working for us.

The only thing that is not working at all is my ability to keep the house neat. Notice I didn't say clean... I am not a clean freak by any means. You will find dust when you come to my house, on just about everything. I consider it a furniture protectant. The floors are not sparkling, and the piano keys seriously need to be wiped. Please don't even look in my bathrooms, especially the boys... it's scary even for me.

I'm definitely not the type of mom who puts cleaning ahead of quality time with the kiddos. (Well, only when company is coming, and then everyone gets to pitch in!) But I am a neat and organized freak of sorts. I like things to be de-cluttered and put away.... And let me tell you, that is sooo not happening here in our house. Yes, it is driving me nuts! Unfortunately it is spreading and I can't seem to stem the tide. There is only one room in the house that is clutter free and that would be the playroom of all things! Yes the one we use everyday! But we clean it up everyday too! With the help of Barney's clean up song, even ds3 is beginning to learn how to help. But the rest of the house from the garage, kitchen, dining room, homeschool room, living room, bathrooms and bedrooms, is a disaster! I wonder if we all sang the clean up song as a family if those rooms would magically become de-cluttered. I'm trying to picture our family singing in our kitchen with a big purple dinosaur... ... not happening.

Anyway, aside from that... things are going pretty smooth. I'm hoping to get a handle on the chaos this weekend with Chris's help. Ds3 is doing well. He does have a bit of eczema on his face, but I think that is from licking above his lips and causing the skin to dry out. I have to figure out how to kick that habit and be more vigilant about putting on his lotion. He is eating very well, and breakfast continues to be his best meal. He loves his breakfast foods! This week we tried pancakes and french toast. Both were huge hits, and were served with one egg and a whole banana as well. The little guy can eat! But he also knows when he is full and will push his plate away. So that is a good thing too. (Wish Mama was good at doing that!)

We are working with him on some basic developmental things. Like the sounds that farm animals make. He is starting to get the sounds, and saying a few of them. He sings in babble and I'm sure a little Russian too, which I have started to record on video. I want to remember how cute he is doing it! He loves music, and he loves his Baby Einstein video. We have a few of them but the Farm one continues to be his favorite. He will run to the couch and climb up and sit waiting for it to start when he sees the DVD go in! We try to watch it only once a day, but the repetitiveness is good for him. Plus it's reinforced in his See and Say, and the Fisher Price Barn with the animals as well. We play with it also daily.

He has also learned the sign for "More". He will actually say the word and sign it as well. But we aren't sure if he understands what it means. When I taught it to him I was feeding him Gerber Puffs (a real treat, and limited because he would eat the whole thing if he could!) So, at dinner when I asked him to sign more for more rice, he was all frustrated because the Gerber Puffs weren't coming out of the pantry!! lol! I was all proud trying to show Chris, and he was like... "Um.....That's great Jackie.... " :-) That was last night. This evening we had rice again and he signed more. He kept pointing at the table, and we thought he was pointing across the table at the pantry for the Gerber Puffs). Finally I said to Chris maybe he wants the rice. He didn't think so, but gave him a plain bowl without chicken. Yep, that's what he wanted! He ate almost the whole thing! So maybe he IS getting it! We'll keep working with him on it.

He is bonding with both Chris and I.... He says Dada, but still refuses to say Mama. Tonight when he and I went to the grocery store, he was so upset when Chris went back into the house! He did not want Daddy to leave! One good thing is that he is definitely shy of strangers. Men or women. If they try to talk to him he will turn his head and give me a hug. Very good for attachment that is for sure, though I feel sorry for my friends who might like a big smile! (Sorry Nekey!)

Overall, he is doing pretty well. The tantrums are fewer and I am learning to speak even softer than I already do, and tell him to be patient. I think he is learning to trust us more, with the whole bedtime sleeping and waking and our days together as a family. He loves to run and give hugs to everyone including the boys. That is so fun to see! Next week is his first Doctor's visit, so I should know more after that. Like I mentioned he is not even on the charts for height and weight, and we know we have speech issues to work on as well. Hopefully the doctor will have a game plan and we can continue working on it!

Time to get my big kiddos in bed!

Small steps of success!

I don't have long to post this evening.... we started back to school today and Chris went back to work. I have been away from the computer almost all day. So, I wanted to post these small victories that I had today, because who knows what tomorrow will be like!

1. Raspberries (spitting) At Mom When Mad
Like I mentioned ds3 has learned well to do the above when he is mad about something. Trust me it may seem cute, but it isn't fun to be on the receiving end. This usually lands him in a time out. Today he landed in time out 4 times. (All before lunch!) After lunch I needed to change his not so sweet smelling diaper, but he wanted to play with his toys. So when I guided him over and lay him down to change his diaper, I saw his mad face, and then I saw his little lips purse up and get ready to go.... and then I could see it. I could tell in a split second he thought about it, and stopped himself. Ah success... consistency, consistency, consistency. Naturally he got a big hug after the diaper change.

2. Nap time
After the diaper change, I could tell it was a little early for his nap. So I put in a Baby Einstein (on the farm) because he loves it. Then I just sat with him in my lap on the couch. His little hands held mine as we watched and made the animal sounds when they popped on the screen. What a nice time! Afterward, it was time for nap, so we read a few books. He didn't really want to be rocked, so I laid him down gently in the crib and rubbed his back. I left the hall light on and the door slightly ajar as I softly told him... "It's nap time now...mommy will be in to check on you in a little bit." Well, I went downstairs to continue schooling the boys and I could hear him on the monitor singing. The child loves to sing. About 20 minutes later and he was sound asleep! I snuck back up and closed the door, so no one would inadvertently wake him.

3. Shower
Yes, brave of me to actually state this... but while ds3 napped, I actually got a shower! Yay! I'd forgotten how difficult this can be with a toddler. I am not a morning person, so if I don't get up at the crack of dawn with dh, then I'm not gonna get clean until nap time. :-)

4. Bedtime
We followed our usual bedtime routine. Bath, lotion, jammies, reading, then I turned out the lights and left on the outside light with the door open a little. I just sat in the rocker and sang all my Christmas hymns again, and Edelweiss. I went over and brushed his head and asked if he needed a blanket as his feet felt cool. Then I said "Mommy will check on you in a few minutes. I'll be back soon. I love you." Guess what? No crying tonight! At all! He fell asleep, in his crib! Today was the very first day he has slept in his actual crib, in his room since we have been home. So that is a HUGE success! (I say this hoping that he sleeps peacefully through the night, or I will be writing of my lack of sleep in the morning!)

So I had to document the successes of the day, so I can look back on them when I need them....and remember. Thanks for all who have encouraged me! And thank you to the many who I am sure, have been praying for us.

Jackie

Rough couple of days....

I was going to write that yesterday was a pretty rough day, 'nuff said. But then today was just as tough. So, I must be due for a good one right? Today we had a brilliant morning, just he and I... then the afternoon hit.

We've been dealing with the meltdowns that so many adoptive parents have spoken about before. Our little guy has learned so early to be independent in the orphanage. He's very strong willed in many ways, but add to that his independent nature that was cultivated during his early years, and you've got some real drama. Plus we are dealing with a language barrier and lack of speech to express himself. I'm sure that only adds to his frustration and tantrums.

Seems like they are coming more frequently lately. Yes, we are definitely keeping his world small. But simple things like the frustration in not being able to fit a piece into a toy and so "Mommy wants to help", and his little face turns red and he just pitches a fit. Which leads to throwing the toy at mommy's head and making a raspberry sound with his mouth at Mommy. (Only funny the first time he did it). I'm sure these ways of expressing himself were okay at the orphanage, but here the consequence is a time out, on the couch, with mommy.

Nap time and bedtime have continued to be the most difficult. We have been lying down with him to help him to fall asleep, but I don't have 2 hours a day to do this (and that is just naptime!) This evening it took about 45 minutes for him to finally fall asleep. We have our nightly ritual of a soft soothing bath, and then lotion and jammies, followed by a few bedtime stories, always ending in Goodnight Moon. Unfortunately after that it is usually a long time before he will sleep and many tears. Tonight was somewhat better, hardly a tear, but I had to sing like every Christmas hymn I knew with almost all the verses and even that didn't put him out. He did allow me to rock him tonight after the hymn singing (in a rocking chair) and then we laid down in our bed so he could finally fall asleep. I'm sure this is also helping with the bonding, as he knows we are nearby when he falls asleep and can practically hear our heartbeats or breathing. Still.... it's hard, because after all the fits pitched and tantrums thrown etc etc, Mommy is just plain worn out and ready for her little one to go to sleep! Selfish I know... but truthful.

Feeding is alright. He hates any vegetable, and so even sneaking them into a food pured does not work. The kid totally knows! Breakfast continues to be his best meal, though I really need to break away from eggs. Maybe pancakes or french toast or perhaps if he will actually eat it... oatmeal. He loves his breakfast and that's at least where he gets his fruit in the form of a banana. We are giving him milk and sometimes if he doesn't eat well at dinner, Pediasure. His first Drs visit it next week, so hopefully I will have some more feedback from our pediatrician. This is the one who adopted 4 children at once from Russia, and who has definitely walked a mile in our shoes.

So, things have been tougher than expected here. Some things are definitely normal two year old behavior, some things are definitely institutionalized behavior. Finding the balance and differentiating between the two is the most difficult. I keep wondering when we are going to turn a corner. He's only been with us for just about 2 weeks and really home only 5 days. I remember reading again from Beck's blog about wishing you could just pass through this whole adaptation/adjustment stage.... But just like all the adoptive parents before me, it's just something we are gonna have to go through.... It's gonna be a slow process.... I just pray for the meltdowns.... those are the most difficult on everyone in the family.

So, any encouragement is definitely needed!