Rough couple of days....

I was going to write that yesterday was a pretty rough day, 'nuff said. But then today was just as tough. So, I must be due for a good one right? Today we had a brilliant morning, just he and I... then the afternoon hit.

We've been dealing with the meltdowns that so many adoptive parents have spoken about before. Our little guy has learned so early to be independent in the orphanage. He's very strong willed in many ways, but add to that his independent nature that was cultivated during his early years, and you've got some real drama. Plus we are dealing with a language barrier and lack of speech to express himself. I'm sure that only adds to his frustration and tantrums.

Seems like they are coming more frequently lately. Yes, we are definitely keeping his world small. But simple things like the frustration in not being able to fit a piece into a toy and so "Mommy wants to help", and his little face turns red and he just pitches a fit. Which leads to throwing the toy at mommy's head and making a raspberry sound with his mouth at Mommy. (Only funny the first time he did it). I'm sure these ways of expressing himself were okay at the orphanage, but here the consequence is a time out, on the couch, with mommy.

Nap time and bedtime have continued to be the most difficult. We have been lying down with him to help him to fall asleep, but I don't have 2 hours a day to do this (and that is just naptime!) This evening it took about 45 minutes for him to finally fall asleep. We have our nightly ritual of a soft soothing bath, and then lotion and jammies, followed by a few bedtime stories, always ending in Goodnight Moon. Unfortunately after that it is usually a long time before he will sleep and many tears. Tonight was somewhat better, hardly a tear, but I had to sing like every Christmas hymn I knew with almost all the verses and even that didn't put him out. He did allow me to rock him tonight after the hymn singing (in a rocking chair) and then we laid down in our bed so he could finally fall asleep. I'm sure this is also helping with the bonding, as he knows we are nearby when he falls asleep and can practically hear our heartbeats or breathing. Still.... it's hard, because after all the fits pitched and tantrums thrown etc etc, Mommy is just plain worn out and ready for her little one to go to sleep! Selfish I know... but truthful.

Feeding is alright. He hates any vegetable, and so even sneaking them into a food pured does not work. The kid totally knows! Breakfast continues to be his best meal, though I really need to break away from eggs. Maybe pancakes or french toast or perhaps if he will actually eat it... oatmeal. He loves his breakfast and that's at least where he gets his fruit in the form of a banana. We are giving him milk and sometimes if he doesn't eat well at dinner, Pediasure. His first Drs visit it next week, so hopefully I will have some more feedback from our pediatrician. This is the one who adopted 4 children at once from Russia, and who has definitely walked a mile in our shoes.

So, things have been tougher than expected here. Some things are definitely normal two year old behavior, some things are definitely institutionalized behavior. Finding the balance and differentiating between the two is the most difficult. I keep wondering when we are going to turn a corner. He's only been with us for just about 2 weeks and really home only 5 days. I remember reading again from Beck's blog about wishing you could just pass through this whole adaptation/adjustment stage.... But just like all the adoptive parents before me, it's just something we are gonna have to go through.... It's gonna be a slow process.... I just pray for the meltdowns.... those are the most difficult on everyone in the family.

So, any encouragement is definitely needed!