Some additional thoughts....transition and parenting.

As I re-read my post on transition, I wanted to make a few clarifications.

One thing I said is, "I'm finding parenting this child difficult." Let me clarify, that it isn't that I didn't find parenting the other two difficult, trust me it was! Our second son was so strong willed! It was tough to teach him to yield to authority, yet keep instilled in him that natural leadership quality he has been given. Plus both children are so close in age it was very difficult with two toddlers! But in this instance the difficulty comes in not having been the one to raise him for the past two years. The behavior issues are unknown to me. Plus I am always trying to discern the difference between institutionalized behavior and typical 2 year old behavior. It's quite difficult to tell between the two!

Having said that, this child just brings with him different parenting complexities, and I am having to adapt with some new methods of parenting. Quite okay, it's just a learning curve for me. But I'll get there.

Another thing I mentioned was the cradle position that my son has never experienced. There have been quite a few women who have adopted internationally at my church. I was sharing with one in particular about cradling our son. Her son, who she also brought home at 2 years old, would fight that position as well, even in his sleep. She said that position is a very vulnerable position. Such a better word than my trusting! Yes, it's trusting, but vulnerable sums it up better. This little guy has had to be self sufficient for so long, that it's hard to let himself be vulnerable. And it comes with time... lots of time, to build that trust! So, each day we are working on building up that trust up.

I'm reading a book now called I Love You Rituals, and it's given me a few ideas to think about with ds3, and actually is helpful with the other boys as well. One thing she talks about is that our children need to be noticed. How often does our child do something that they want to share in their fantastic world, and we distractedly say, "Mmmhmmm, that's nice." or "Great job". I'm going to share an excerpt from her book that talks about a coaching situation, and how it correlates to parenting.

Imagine you are playing softball, and it's your turn at bat. The ball is pitched;you swing and hit a home run. Coach A says to you, "Great hit." Coach B says to you enthusiastically, "Wow you kept your eye on the ball and really shifted your weight on that follow-through. You smacked it way over the fence." Which coach helped you become more aware of yourself and your success, as well as how to repeat it? Noticing helps children become more aware of themselves. This awareness wires the brain for self-control. This feedback is brain food. In contrast judging helps children become aware of our view of the world, not theirs.

I am really trying to model this with ds3. For 2 years he has not had many people "notice him." He hasn't had that type of brain food as the author calls it. Nor has it been repeated over and over, day in and day out, for 780 days. I want to slowly change that... I want to build up his fragile self-esteem. I'm also thinking of my older boys. How many times have I distractedly mumbled something to them while 1/2 looking at a Lego creation? I want to practice this type of feedback with them too. Because really who wouldn't like to have this type of interested commentary. I think Chris and I should work on practicing it in our marriage too! Nothing says I love you, than a spouse who is interested enough to listen and encourage you.

I Thessalonians 5:11 says, "Encourage one another and build each other up." This used to be modeled consistently in our household, but somehow we've let it slip. I was talking to Chris the other night and we want to make this one of our life/family verses. We are seriously going to be putting it on the wall in the living room where we spend a lot of our time. It will serve as a visual reminder when our mouths don't always follow suit.

And just one encouraging word to leave you with: Ds3 fell asleep in my arms tonight in the cradle position, while I was rocking him in the rocking chair. What a blessing! I just kept on rockin' and praying for this child that God has given to me. :-)