Today has been a really good day... not necessarily because ds3 hasn't had any meltdowns.... he has. It's just that he's handling them better. They are just two year old tantrums.... and not anger directed toward me. I'm grateful for that.
A few things I am noticing regarding our attachment:
Snuggling
Ds3 woke earlier and was crying for me. Usually he sleeps almost an hour later, and we typically head down for breakfast then. But it was too early for that nonsense (the breakfast, not the crying).... so I hugged him and picked him up and carried him into our bed. Chris was already gone for the morning, and so ds3 and I just slept a little (hardly) and woke up gradually. When my other two were little they would come and hop on our bed for some mommy snuggle time in the mornings. I've noticed ds3 is starting to understand what snuggling means. He's definitely more relaxed and will lay his head on my shoulder or let me hold his little hand. He hasn't got the concept yet....but I see vast improvement from when we first got home.
Babbling/Words
He's also babbling SO much more. I know the babbling is pre-speech... and his is just going, going, going. He had one Russian word when he came home from the orphanage and now he can say about 15. Some on his own and some that he repeats. I have a feeling we'll see another little spurt of words in a few more weeks.
Interaction
I am also pleased with the babbling because he's not only talking...but talking to us. It's encouraging in the area of interaction! Ds3 is really good at pretending. I think it was his way of survival in the orphanage, he would go into his own world... and many times people wouldn't intrude. I'm thinking the caregivers had their hands full with about 1o other children, many younger than him. So when we first got home if I was let's say, focusing on the older two and some schoolwork....ds3 would be playing something pretend. Often I would go up to him and just kneel down on his level and ask what he was doing? Just in a sweet voice, almost like can I play too? What I would typically get was an angry babble, and a smack in the face or a spit, (one of the two). He just did not like people intruding upon his world. I think for him, his pretend world, was one way he was able to be in control. I'm reading a lot about the adopted child's need to feel in control because he has never had an adult that he could rely on to meet his needs. I'll share what I'm learning in another post sometime.....
Anyway, early last week when I would approach ds3 in the same manner, he would actually try to include me a little bit in his world. He'd just hand me the pretend item and go on his way. In order to break that control nature I would pretend with him a little bit and then redirect him to a toy we could play with together. Always with lots of eye contact with him, in order to build the level of trust.
Today, ds3 took that interaction a step further...and this is where the babbling comes in. As he was playing today, he would occasionally come and get me and as we walked together he was babbling to me all the time. He'd look at me and make hand motions like I completely understood what he was saying! lol! I just kept on saying, "Oh really?" "Oh my goodness. then what?" "What did you say next?" When he motioned with his hands around his waist, I just asked, "Are you gonna put a belt around it?" He shook his head and said.... "Da". lol!
I'm so hoping we are turning a corner in regards to attachment. I know we have a long way to go...but today has been really encouraging.
A few things I am noticing regarding our attachment:
Snuggling
Ds3 woke earlier and was crying for me. Usually he sleeps almost an hour later, and we typically head down for breakfast then. But it was too early for that nonsense (the breakfast, not the crying).... so I hugged him and picked him up and carried him into our bed. Chris was already gone for the morning, and so ds3 and I just slept a little (hardly) and woke up gradually. When my other two were little they would come and hop on our bed for some mommy snuggle time in the mornings. I've noticed ds3 is starting to understand what snuggling means. He's definitely more relaxed and will lay his head on my shoulder or let me hold his little hand. He hasn't got the concept yet....but I see vast improvement from when we first got home.
Babbling/Words
He's also babbling SO much more. I know the babbling is pre-speech... and his is just going, going, going. He had one Russian word when he came home from the orphanage and now he can say about 15. Some on his own and some that he repeats. I have a feeling we'll see another little spurt of words in a few more weeks.
Interaction
I am also pleased with the babbling because he's not only talking...but talking to us. It's encouraging in the area of interaction! Ds3 is really good at pretending. I think it was his way of survival in the orphanage, he would go into his own world... and many times people wouldn't intrude. I'm thinking the caregivers had their hands full with about 1o other children, many younger than him. So when we first got home if I was let's say, focusing on the older two and some schoolwork....ds3 would be playing something pretend. Often I would go up to him and just kneel down on his level and ask what he was doing? Just in a sweet voice, almost like can I play too? What I would typically get was an angry babble, and a smack in the face or a spit, (one of the two). He just did not like people intruding upon his world. I think for him, his pretend world, was one way he was able to be in control. I'm reading a lot about the adopted child's need to feel in control because he has never had an adult that he could rely on to meet his needs. I'll share what I'm learning in another post sometime.....
Anyway, early last week when I would approach ds3 in the same manner, he would actually try to include me a little bit in his world. He'd just hand me the pretend item and go on his way. In order to break that control nature I would pretend with him a little bit and then redirect him to a toy we could play with together. Always with lots of eye contact with him, in order to build the level of trust.
Today, ds3 took that interaction a step further...and this is where the babbling comes in. As he was playing today, he would occasionally come and get me and as we walked together he was babbling to me all the time. He'd look at me and make hand motions like I completely understood what he was saying! lol! I just kept on saying, "Oh really?" "Oh my goodness. then what?" "What did you say next?" When he motioned with his hands around his waist, I just asked, "Are you gonna put a belt around it?" He shook his head and said.... "Da". lol!
I'm so hoping we are turning a corner in regards to attachment. I know we have a long way to go...but today has been really encouraging.
8 comments:
It was really great to read about your day! These are the kind of days we need! I'd love to know the name of the book you're reading.
Your children are so blessed to have you for a mom. I love reading about your days.
Jackie, you are so intuitive and thoughtful about all of this. You are a natural, and I think that God ordained you to be the perfect Mommy for J.
Ah, I love the snuggling. Glad things are going well and your son is enjoying his conversations with his mommy (too cute). It is amazing how quickly the adapt and change!
Baby steps!! Awesome!! Can't wait to hear more about what your reading... speaking of which, you've been tagged! Details on my blog. :-)
How wow! How wonderful. Thank you for sharing. :)
Yay! I know more good days like this are in the future :)
That sounds like a great day! Daniel's words come in spurts and before you know it you'll get two and three word sentences! It's amazing how they have litle jumps in learning. So glad he is including you in play!! Sounds like things are coming along nicely.
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